Coping With Life

coping

I am so tired of coping with life. It seems like society is built on coping strategies, and not so much else. Happiness becomes this abstract goal that we can never truly reach, because all we know how to do, is to cope.

When we grow up without the right type of emotional support and guidance, and are not able to find closure or solutions to our painful experiences, we have to find strategies in order to cope with those experiences and to move on. If we don’t do this as children, we don’t stand a chance, so there is no choice. Therefore it is understandable and probably a very important mechanism when growing up. The problem is that we are unaware of our own strategies, and so we continue using them in our adult life…

We experience how the same patterns with the same problems keep coming back to us. This is confusing, because many times we think that we’re actually dealing with our problems in a solution based way, when we’re in fact still using the same coping strategies, as we always have been using. It’s one of the most frustrating things to experience, thinking that we have dealt with something, just to having it knock us down once again. Having those experiences makes ME want to give up sometimes. Seeing how people are so affected by this and how hopeless it makes them feel, that hurts my heart deeply. It’s a never ending chase of how to be happy. We might have a small glimpse of happiness sometimes when we’re lucky, but happiness as a goal can never be a reality, if we live our lives based on how to cope with it. 

Just the word coping tells us, that there is something we don’t want in our life but we just have to deal with, and then find a way on how to actually do that. This is how our society functions as well. Take our healthcare system, what it does is treating the symptom (with medications and so on), it doesn’t get to the root of the actual problem. It is coping with the problem.

Why are we even living? That’s the question I ask myself. Why would I want to live a life that I have to cope with? The answer to that question is I don’t. 

I want to live a life where I know, that I can actually address my problems directly and consciously (painful experiences or whatever they may be), in order to create solutions and restore harmony in that area of my life. My goal is to live a life that I’m happy living, and with that comes the knowing that I can create resolutions. 

Most people are not aware of the fact that they have a choice, because they didn’t as children. A choice to actually create healing, and a choice to not having to cope with their lives in order to survive it.

We are not taught how to do this, and it is not easy. It takes a deep level of commitment to live this way, because it requires of us to face our fears and to dare be with our pain, and whatever else that we haven’t been able to deal with, from our past. It’s the path of self awareness, a path more and more people are feeling a desire to walk on, because coping with life becomes too painful.

I don’t want to cope with life, I want to experience it. I want to actually live. 

living

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37 Comments

  1. You can’t go for a goal called happiness, life is not function that way.

    We are many, who has lived a tough life in different ways. We can/could choose to get professional help and learn to live now and in our future. I did. I didn’t wish to live in my past or to worry too much about the future, why I decided to live now, today and enjoy this my best day in the best way. Life goes around, whatever you send out will come back in one or another way. You just need to stay open and willing to receive. It is not easy to stay positive all the time, but it becomes easier by practice.

    You can choose for yourself to stay happy from the moment, you wake up in the morning. Tell yourself, that this will be the best day in your life. Believe it will be and you will attract more to become happy for.

    1. I disagree. All we ever do in life is because we think it will make us feel better, so having happiness as a goal makes sense to me. Going straight for what we want.

      And yes I agree that we do need to stay open and willing to receive!

  2. Its is tough to rearrange your own strategies, the best way to cope up is to talk to some expert. Most of the time what make us revolve around same things is lack of options. What my suggestion is to start making alternate environment which will help you make smooth changes in life. This environment may compromise of your job, friends and even alternate to your partner. With proper guidance you will be able to break this vicious cycle. Your comfort zone will not allow your take a unchartered path, as it will need strategies to cope with unseen problems that may arise. It is very much possible to have a complete turn around. Trust me its just right down the corner just need to change your point of view.

  3. Coping and surviving isn’t really Living. There is more to life than just getting through the next hour, he day, the week. Really living means making good choices ~ and there lies the rub. <3

  4. I’m all for “living”, and try to consciously do that, but “coping” is also a necessary skill if my life is to include others. I can only choose for myself; I must learn to accept others’ choices for their selves. That is a coping strategy that leads to my peace and happiness. If I cannot or will not accept that others must choose for themselves and live with the consequences, then I will always be frustrated, because I would often make other choices for them. Likewise, by owning my own choices for my self, I can no longer pretend to be a victim of life…

    Therefore I choose to both live my life, and cope with others, because I find I am happier with others in my life. I need my alone time, too, and take it, but I don’t want to always be alone.

  5. Nice thinking Sascha. I think it is now definitely a possibility. You may wish to read ‘The First Blossom’, a poem I wrote and published on our blog last month!! Shalom and Extreme Happiness to you and your readers

  6. Sometimes I wonder if it’s true what gurus say, that we are actually blissful and happy beings already. We just need to clear the fog basically. I kind of believe it because some of my most blissful moments came at the time of no thoughts or worry. What if we never actually have problems in the first place? What if that’s all an illusion of thought.

  7. Thanks for liking my post dear. Means a lot to me. I am appreciative of you, you write wonderfully.
    Having faced the depressed time in my life already, and during my journey to discover where the happiness would be, I learned it was all in me. I rose without any professional help, and now life actually feels like a bliss where a day is always better than yesterday. Its very easy. Count your blessings right in the morning, meditate, and offer gratitude for what you already have. You won’t believe how life will change. I have experienced this, and wish you the same.

  8. Well written. I think many people just settle in life thinking they can’t change their life. The few of us that don’t buy into that will be the world changers! Go get it!! ?????

  9. I enjoyed reading and you are right life seems so like getting by and coping 🙂 On the more positive side I read somewhere happiness is a choice we can make and I’m inclined to agree.

  10. ” It seems like society is built on coping strategies, and not so much else. ”
    That sentence alone holds so much weight. It’s one of the most painful truths in existence. And everything you mention in this piece I agree with. Coping isn’t a positive, it’s not a win. It’s exactly what you say it is; coping.

    Fantastic blog, by the way.

  11. I’ve always found that pessimists are better in dealing with such problems. Hope is an obstacle; coping is a pursuit when you want to achieve something and when all hope is lost, you are left with fear and agony which, at times, can only be dealt with ending your life. When there is no hope, there is no reason to live and no reason to die. Human becomes indifferent to existing physically, he realises that his existence isn’t because of his “existence”.

  12. Sascha, first let me thank you for liking my recent blog post. I appreciate the visit!
    Reading your post above I can understand how people going through life in “coping” mode will more than likely never find what they’re looking for in this life. So I agree with you there. I also believe that God created us with a uniqueness so that we are not like everyone else. That, to me, is a good thing. I can only speak for myself, but I have found truth, meaning, joy and happiness by trusting God. I live each day as if it might be my last because I have learned we are not promised a tomorrow. That became true to me last Nov when I lost my sister/brother-in-law in a fire. Here today and perished the next. I also believe that this life will always have its challenges because we are after all, human. I do believe in heaven and the afterlife. That brings me great joy because I know where I’m spending eternity. Have you ever read the book “Dying To Be Me” by Anita Moorjani? I highly recommend it. I pray that you will discover what it is you’re truly searching for and that it will bring you peace and the happiness you want. Light and Love to you.

    1. Im sorry to hear about your sister/brother-in-law. Everything can change in a second. I have not read it, but I will check it out. And thank you! Light and love to you too.

  13. Thank you for recently dropping by my blog Sascha. I see your personal growth shines out through your authentic words.
    And I agree, coping is something for times of crisis. Really Living is the goal. We all journey there at different paces, but we can all encourage each other along the way.

  14. Happiness…

    Everything else is just the business of being human. Reach into happiness and hire a secretary for the rest lol. Mine is internal and I repay her with compassion, love, and plenty of cheese 😉 Great post!

  15. Hi Sascha, thank you for liking my newly-opened blog! I believe sadness is the power of being human. I’m proud of being vulnerable so we could find more similar-liked people:)

  16. Great post. It really got me thinking.

    Happiness is temporary though isn’t it? It depends on the circumstances. Joy is the one that lasts…at least the way I understand it.

  17. Thank you for sharing your journey with us 🙂

    I agree life is to be ‘experienced,’ not ‘tolerated,’ which is what ‘coping’ makes me think of.

    You mention the health care system as treating only symptoms and that being a problem though — i haven’t read all your blogs, obviously, but have you looked into Eastern traditions? I must say that i find a lot of it nonsense, at least the way it’s often packaged in the West. But there’s sure a great deal of wisdom about how _not_ to cope with life in it 😉

    Thanks for the visit to my blog and enjoying my Grams of Inspiration — it’s published every Thursday, and i hope you’ll come back for more 😉

  18. Hi Sascha, thanks for stopping by my blog heartshabitation. I have had a challenging and often very difficult life. I still struggle with the effects of physical and mental health issues. Sometimes, I do just cope with things, at other times I can rise above them. I choose to focus on all the many blessings God has given me and when times are rough, I rest in Him. What keeps me going is the sure and steadfast hope in the knowledge that through faith in Jesus Christ, I will enjoy a victorious life.

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