A Synchronistic Pain And Release

When people heal, transform and evolve, it affects those around them.

As I become more aware of myself, I notice when people close to me are affected by the choices I am making. I pay very close attention to this when it happens. But a couple of days ago, I was the one who was affected by someone else’s transformation, my fathers.

Me and some of my family was on a vacation together. We were sitting on the balcony, drinking our morning coffee. Within a couple of minutes, my father told us that he wanted to share something with us.

He opened up, explaining to us that these last couple of days he had felt a burden on his shoulders. A burden he had been carrying for many years without noticing it, and without it being painful in the same way as it was now.

My father has always been the rock of our family. He was and still is my hero, and I know my sisters feel the same way. To see him break down, but also heal and transform, was very touching and beautiful.

He explained to us, that he was ready to let go of this burden and pain, and he wanted us to know that. We all supported him and felt happy to be a part of his healing. The whole time I was trying my best to hold back my tears, but at one point I could no longer do it.

The burden he had been carrying, was a burden I had been carrying as well. I didn’t realize this until he was ready to let it go.

When I was five years old, I saw my father cry for the first time and I felt his pain. I remember I wanted to take some of that pain away from him, so that he wouldn’t carry it alone. And I remember taking on some of the responsibility for our family, so that he wouldn’t have to be the only strong one.

When he told us, that he was now ready to let go of this burden and pain, that burden and pain was also ready to leave me. A part of me was released.

I noticed my breath. I felt like I was breathing in new air. I felt light, like my body was floating. It was a new feeling that I don’t remember to have ever felt before. A feeling I have longed for. A feeling that I am ready to explore and experience. It was the feeling of freedom.

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8 Comments

  1. What a beautiful story of transformation and release!! I love it!

    And it shows, once more, how entangled we are with each other…

    I thank you for sharing this story, and for sharing a sense of your freedom. I have tears in my eyes as I read this – pure joy and celebration!

    Your journey is truly inspirational, Sascha!

  2. i so resonate with this as I have had a similar situation and i totally agree that our decisions effect a lot on our closed one.. beautifully written.. all d best

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