Year Of The Butterfly


The year of 2018 actually brings me hope of happiness. I have a feeling that everything that I’ve experienced in my past, and especially in the last three years of my life, they will finally start making sense – like a lot! I’ve been in a vicious cycle (very painful most of the time) and for every year it would be more and more intense, and with that more and more unbearable.

The last period of 2017, I really felt how the universe was taking away the last “things” in my life that no longer served me. Changes like that are never easy or even welcomed, but they are necessary.
It made me feel like giving up and that I couldn’t continue like this forever. It felt like panic and chaos, but then for some reason, it shifted. I’m not sure what happened exactly, but somehow I felt the shift and felt much more calm, and with that everything started to clear up…

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Call For Change


Last night I had a dream that took me on a journey through time. I saw things from the past, and what it will look like in the future continuing from where we are now.

It started with me laying in my bed sleeping next to a huge man with a large beard. He was sleeping still when I woke up in the middle of the night. (This was taking place in my bedroom and it looked exactly the same as in my waking life). I looked up and I saw a bunch of people surrounding my bed. They didn’t do or say anything, they were just staring at us. I got scared and closed my eyes pretending they weren’t there. I tried to wake the man up, as I sensed they were there because of him. I didn’t succeed in waking him up, as I barely dared to move. I looked up again hoping it had all been a bad dream. But they were still there, but now as spirits. They were all standing in the same position as before, just staring at us, but now they were transparent…

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Sun and Moon; restoring the balance

solar eclipse

Since the solar eclipse I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety, but without really being able to place it or figure out why. This solar eclipse in Leo has been all about integration and unity.

In the last month I’ve been seeing lions everywhere, and been hearing or seeing the word, “Leo” several times. I’ve seen it as tattoos, one with a lion and a woman merging and becoming one. I’ve heard the name Leo twice within the same hour and the list goes on. I knew this solar eclipse would have some great insight for me, as I believe it has for so many. It has been a very powerful time, also very chaotic…

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Integrating My Shadow Aspect

Shadow aspect

The past two years have been such a rollercoaster. It has had the highest of high and the lowest of low. I’ve been extremely happy at times, and I’ve been extremely depressed, to the point where I could not see the meaning of life anymore.

The last month I’ve been feeling sad, confused and on the verge of depression again. Life has not been feeling good. Life has not made sense, and even though I know that life is a hologram in which we learn, and that even the dark night of the soul will eventually end, I have simply not felt like it was worth it. But then, a couple of days ago, I had a breakthrough. I gained a new understanding that made the pieces I’ve collected over the years, come together and form a picture that actually makes sense to me…

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What Is Spirituality?


When I first started to consciously study and learn about spirituality, the topics I found myself drawn to was about chakras, extraterrestrials, other dimensions and so on. I loved learning more about each topic and even though I still do, the reality is that I used it as an attempt to get away from my own life.

Spirituality became my distraction and a tool to look outside myself for every answer. It was a resistance to the present moment, and the desire to escape it…

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Emotional Starvation


Some days I feel a deep, inner void that makes me feel completely empty. It’s a part of me that needs attention and care, but does not get it. It is starving.

Emotional starvation is something all of us have experienced at some point in our lives. It is when a need is not being met, and that part of us goes unnoticed. That aspect is suffering to the degree, that it feels like it’s dying. When we are unaware of this aspect of ourselves, the feeling of desperation completely takes over, and because of this many of us seek to fulfill the need in unhealthy ways…

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Trust Fall


When you reach out and are not caught, that is really painful. It is especially painful when you do not know, how to make what you need clear to your surroundings.

This past week I have been feeling my whole body buzzing, but as an internal feeling. I didn’t know why, but I was definitely not at ease.

I felt hopeless because I was not able to identify what was wrong, and looking at my outer reality, I could sense that something was off as well. My sister, my dad and my dog got sick. Nothing serious, but with that dis-ease in them as well.

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When We Set Intentions

This weekend I did a meditation that was so amazing, that I have to share some of it. This relates to my last post, and it confirms that I am getting in contact with aspects of me that I have forgotten.

“As I close my eyes I start paying attention to my breath. I feel its natural flow of entering and leaving my body. I feel how it slows down and gets heavier by every breath that I take. I notice the sensations that arises in my body when I feel how the darkness of the room surrounds me, normally I don’t like the dark, but this time it feels completely safe to me. I can feel my mind surrender to the relaxed state of my body, and the next thing I know, I am standing inside my own body.

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Becoming One Again

Last night I had a dream that woke me up with a smile on my face.

I was laying in my bed and woke up with a strange feeling. When I looked to my left side, I saw myself sitting there. I observed her for a while. She didn’t know that I was there, all she was doing was look down at her phone. She didn’t look happy, angry or sad. She was just there. I sat up in my bed and she noticed me right away. She looked me straight in the eyes without blinking at any moment. I was terrified at first and thought of many different ways that could get me out of this situation, including waking up. But instead of escaping, I chose to keep eye contact as a way of showing her that I would not go away. I would not disappear and abandon her, as I had done before. Without taking my eyes from hers, I moved closer to her and said, “I just want you to know that I love you”. Her eyes softened and she smiled at me. In that moment our bodies melted together and we became one, once again.

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