Last night I had a dream that woke me up with a smile on my face.
I was laying in my bed and woke up with a strange feeling. When I looked to my left side, I saw myself sitting there. I observed her for a while. She didn’t know that I was there, all she was doing was look down at her phone. She didn’t look happy, angry or sad. She was just there. I sat up in my bed and she noticed me right away. She looked me straight in the eyes without blinking at any moment. I was terrified at first and thought of many different ways that could get me out of this situation, including waking up. But instead of escaping, I chose to keep eye contact as a way of showing her that I would not go away. I would not disappear and abandon her, as I had done before. Without taking my eyes from hers, I moved closer to her and said, “I just want you to know that I love you”. Her eyes softened and she smiled at me. In that moment our bodies melted together and we became one, once again.
Have you ever been with someone that made you feel like the most wanted and unwanted at the same time?
I’ve had a hard time understanding this contradiction. It is one of the most confusing experiences related to other people I’ve ever had, I think.
The more I think about it and the deeper I look, the more I see a pattern that stems from my childhood, and these people and situations that make me feel this contradiction, are reflecting it perfectly.
To feel wanted one minute and then completely unwanted the next is so draining and very hurtful. In a lot of my intimate relationships I now see this pattern of me trying to maintain a connection, that I didn’t even sought out to begin with. I see a pattern of someone really wanting to create some sort of connection with me, just to let go of it a little while after. The way it makes me feel is that they regret to have made the connection in the first place, or that they just don’t care enough about it to keep it. I am very much aware of this being my perception.
Definition of inspiration: ”something that makes someone want to do something or that gives someone an idea about what to do or create : a force or influence that inspires someone”
To give an advice to someone is to also inspire them, isn’t it? An inspirational thought of how they might do something differently than what they have done previously, in order to change a certain situation. But usually for them to be inspired by our advice, we need to follow them ourselves.
In my last post I write about being and feeling lonely and isolated. I am becoming more and more aware of the fact that most of us are actually feeling this way, or at least we recognize these emotions.
I decided to make a (very) short video about this, just to let anyone out there know that they are not alone, even though it feels like it.
If you resonate with this and watch the video, I hope you enjoy it. And if any of you have something you want to share with me, please do so! Blessings
Do you ever feel lonely?
Sometimes I feel as if I am air. I feel like people know that I’m there, but they don’t see me.
I think a lot of people today suffer from this belief, that they are not seen for whom they are.
Sometimes I feel like it requires more energy than I have, for me to try to make people see and understand me. I’m introverted, maybe that has something to do with it, but I don’t really think that’s why. It’s not easy showing the core of who you are to a society that is so judgemental as it is. That is what anxiety comes from. Worrying about what other people think of you, to the degree that you’re pleasing everyone around you as an attempt to fit in, trying to feel a connection.
Today I feel like giving up. The dominant feeling inside of me the last couple of days has been the feeling of doom. I don’t know why it’s there, but it is. I don’t know what to do to make it go away and to feel better.
To follow my own advice, I guess I need to be completely with this feeling without judgement, even though it is extremely difficult for me to do, because it feels like surrendering to the end.
From the very start the flower intuitively knows to follow the sunlight, and so it does. As it continues to grow it quickly realizes that it is a harsh environment to grow in.
Sometimes I imagine myself as a flower. Beautiful but fragile.
A couple of months ago I was really depressed and I started to have anxiety attacks whenever I was pushing myself to do things I didn’t really wanted to do. I started to isolate myself and at one point I had a lot of dark thoughts, and it scared me.
Now I am in a place where I feel good about my life. A little while ago I looked back on these last couple of months to try and see what changes I made that actually transformed my life into something I now enjoy. I want to share this process because someone might find it useful to apply in their own life.
I just got home from a walk with my dog in the forest. As we walked I saw how dark clouds were taking over the entire sky, making the sunlight disappear. The wind came in gusts and I felt a couple of raindrops landing near my left eye. For every step I took it seemed like the weather got more and more uncontrolable. The trees were moving from one side to the other in rapid movement, to the point where it looked like some of them would not be able to stand their ground. Several leaves swirled around in circles as a mini tornado. I felt like it was a perfect reflection of my emotions. The weather was mirroring my own internal world for today, messy. As me and my dog were passing the last couple of trees in the forest, the wind were so strong that I had to push forward to not take a couple of steps back.
I have always been a very private person and I never thought I would be able to start writing a blog. If you asked me a year ago if I would ever share my deepest thoughts publicly, I would have said no and probably laughed as well, because the thought of it was too terrifying for me to even consider.