I have always been a very private person and I never thought I would be able to start writing a blog. If you asked me a year ago if I would ever share my deepest thoughts publicly, I would have said no and probably laughed as well, because the thought of it was too terrifying for me to even consider.
I remember when I was teenager I would always convince myself that I liked being a very private person. That I liked the fact that only a few people knew the real me, and that I decided who I wanted those people to be. The funny thing is that the people closest to me have always been the extroverted and the artistic ones. The types of people that really enjoyed sharing with everyone else. Opposite attract as I used to think (as it often seems like). The thing is that according to the law of attraction, like attracts like, and not the other way around. I am aware of now that the reason why I was a match to these ”types” of people, was because they had a side to them that fascinated me, a side that I wish I had too. As I know now, it was a suppressed aspect of myself, that begged to come to the surface. Because of the self-exploratoin I have been doing the last year or so, I am now able to share more and more about myself, and in different ways. It is very exiting to me, because I used to be so private to the point where many of my thoughts were never shared with anyone.
Yesterday I read an article about relationships, and the following really hit me.
“To take this to an even higher level, ideally we want to be partnering with someone who is aligned with our life purpose, supporting us to authentically express our gifts and deepest passions so that our lives are rich and meaningful. This way of living is energizing and fuels us. That way, the relationship is not a source of energy, but rather a place to share ourselves”.
I have never shared myself completely with another person because of the fear of rejection. It has been much easier for me to stay closed off, so that if someone didn’t like me, at least I knew that because they didn’t know the real me, that real me wasn’t the one being rejected. With that wall I was able to protect myself from feeling unworthy and not good enough, feelings so many of us struggle with. But because of my fear of rejection, and my way of defending myself by not letting people in, that has now created a desire for me to share a whole lot about myself. The feeling of going from being absolutely closed off and terrified of sharing myself with others, to the feeling of sharing my deepest thoughts with the knowing that my worth is not dependent on others opinion about me, is the most liberating feeling I have ever experienced. I have even started an Instragram (a month back or so) and a Twitter account, once again something I never thought I would be able to do. When I got Facebook many years back, I didn’t even create the account myself. My (at that time) close friend made it for me, after some time I was glad she did, but at first it was uncomfortable because it was so out of my comfort zone.
I am so happy you took the time to read this post, thank you!