When you reach out and are not caught, that is really painful. It is especially painful when you do not know, how to make what you need clear to your surroundings.
This past week I have been feeling my whole body buzzing, but as an internal feeling. I didn’t know why, but I was definitely not at ease.
I felt hopeless because I was not able to identify what was wrong, and looking at my outer reality, I could sense that something was off as well. My sister, my dad and my dog got sick. Nothing serious, but with that dis-ease in them as well.
I kept hoping that a solution miraculously would pop up, or that someone would be able to tell me what was going on, but nothing came. Two days ago I had a really tough day. I felt as if everything was getting worse, and I was feeling more and more drained. I didn’t have the energy to meditate and dive deep into my subconscious mind, to get in contact with what I was aligning with, and why. I just felt like collapsing and giving up. Sometimes (very often I think) that is the absolute best thing we can do, because we stop our resistance to what is. This makes us capable of seeing things clearly. But this time, I felt that the buzzing was guiding me to do something else than to “give up”. It was a call for action. I could think of at least three things that was bothering me, and that I had put off because of the fear of rejection.
In my latest post (Creativity is Vulnerability), I explain how difficult it was for me to express myself to other people, how the fear of rejection was bigger than the pain of being invisible. But as that is no longer true, I must take action whenever I feel the need to express myself, not just in my writings, but in every aspect of my life.
I started to realize that the dis-ease in my surroundings wouldn’t stop until we had taking those steps of action.They are very individual, but we have to take them. I had too, and I did. All of the three things I feared to do, I decided to do all of them that day. Not against my fear, but with it. I visualized a brave version of myself leading the way, while carrying my fear with me asking it to trust me, showing it that there was nothing to be afraid of.
When I woke up yesterday, everything just seemed to work out. My dis-ease in my body disappeared, my dog wasn’t sick anymore and both my sister and dad was feeling much better. It was amazing to experience the positive results of what it means to follow my heart.
My intention is to keep expanding and evolving. Often times though, this process is far from pleasant. But in every experience where I have chosen to follow my intuition, I’ve always been proving that I could indeed trust myself.
A lot of us don’t trust ourselves or the universe, which is understandable considering that we were never taught this.
The thing is, we are an extension of the universe. Surely the universe wants the best thing for itself, and therefore us, so “shouldn’t” we trust and believe that it will always act in our best interest?
If we could do this, actually trusting, our life but be what we have always imagined it to be like, no doubt.